Chimp

We had a great session yesterday in our online workshop called "How to calm the noise in your head". Everyone has it, that inner critic that holds us back, tells us we can't, or we shouldn't, or we're not good enough. It has been described as many things - inner critic, gremlin, saboteur and in his excellent book, Steve Peters calls it the Chimp.

I've had a few very active little (well, not so little) chimps playing games in my head recently. One of them has actually been in control for a long time, encouraging me to keep my head below the parapet and stay unnoticed. It's stopped me from speaking out about who I am and what I believe in. It's always kept me safe in the knowledge that I function best behind the scenes where nobody can see me. And I think it could sense recently that I might be planning to break away from this safety. Words like 'blog', 'podcast', 'workshop' were floating around in my mind and Chief Chimp must have seen them coming. So it became more active than ever, trying to squash everything back down to that lovely place of safety.

The other chimp rocked up more recently. When the kids stopped going to school and we were suddenly in each other's company all day, to be precise. This one hasn't reached Chief Chimp status yet, but I'm keeping an eye on it. The thing is, lots of people hear the voice of a parent, or a teacher, or someone similar, when they hear their inner critic. And here's the issue. Now that I'm being a teacher as well as a parent, and we're together all the time, I wonder how much of me is going to become an enormous Grand Master Chimp in my kids' heads!

And, like so many parents in this unusual time, I'm spinning a lot of plates. And I can't stay calm and patient all the time. So there are moments.... thankfully not too many moments, but there definitely are some. And as they happen I see a baby chimp fly over and try to get in to the girls' heads. After that I don't really know what to do. Do I try and grab said chimp and pull it away? Do I just hope for the best it doesn't get in? Do I send chimp-control in to follow it and extract it?

Now that we've been doing this for a little while, we are starting to figure it out a bit. I sometimes tell the girls if I'm tired and they do seem to go a bit easier on me when I do that. Sometimes my youngest notices me being a bit short and asks "Mummy, are you tired? Because if you are you should have told me. It's not fair if you don't tell me"... if only I could spot it as easily as she can!

Monkey

And then there's Monkey.... Monkey's different. Thank goodness for Monkey! He is my friend, my ally, a member of my 'crew'. And I have Monkey because I chose to have him.

So while we all have inner critics (who we can control - but it can be hard), we can also appoint helpers or allies to bring us closer to certain qualities that we would like to have more of. It might sound make-believe and child-like, but this can actually be extremely powerful!

I have a lot of allies (I LOVE allies - so I keep getting more!), but Monkey has been one of my favourites recently. Monkey's cheeky. Monkey's fun. Monkey's playful. Monkey isn't scared. Monkey takes risks, swinging and hanging and leaping through the trees. Monkey is kind and loving, and looks out for other Monkeys. Monkey can climb very high to the top of the canopy layer to check for danger. Monkey would warn of danger, but only if it was imminent.

Monkey and I have been talking a lot recently. Monkey helped me trust that letting myself be seen might be fun. It was ok for me to take a risk. I might try to leap and fall, but that's ok - I would get up and be back in the trees again in no time. Monkey gave me a totally different perspective, helping me see things through an alternative lens. And when I looked through that lens, it all looked different. I made a choice: to experiment through this perspective and see what came of it. Monkey would be there to help when I needed him, and with that I reckoned I could get past Chief Chimp.

The same applies when I think about my kids. I keep asking myself "what does Monkey say?". And Monkey says "have fun", "enjoy yourself", "live for the now"....

Today's workshop is about "What's missing in your life?". Having a look at where you are, and what you'd like more (or less) of at a single point in time is something that can be helpful time and time again. I'm looking forward to taking part in the exercise myself during the workshop, and having a proper look at how I'm feeling about my life: right here, right now, 7 weeks into lockdown and hopefully with the end in sight. There are still spaces if you’d like to join us (register here).